Toasted Rye

Rye bread is one of my favorite breads. One thing about it bothers me though: some people like to shove these caraway seeds into it. They taste terrible and I don't have the time to adjust my tastes to them, or to form any childhood memories of liking caraway seeds. So because of this, when I had a slice of carawayed rye, I needed a good way to increase the amount of flavor molecules present. After a quick toasting operation was complete, I quickly placed a few slices of unsalted butter on top then after it was melted, proceeded to sprinkle a coating of granulated sugar over it. Feel free to do this to other kinds of bread, it will make them more bearable in case you don't have any rye on hand.

[Toast]

Pizza Judgment of Article of Strong Faith

The TV suddenly started blaring upon going to commercials causing me to automatically reach for the volume button on the remote. I wished the space guy was on TV, he's a lot more fun. I would have felt bad about having the TV on and just leaving it on mute, and I didn't want quite the amount of light in the room that a lamp provides. I thought back to when I had my book light that would attach to the cover of a book and light the pages. I knew the battery for it was sitting in the closet outside my room, but I couldn't find the light itself in my memory. So naturally I preheated the oven and threw in a frozen sausage and pepperoni pizza with additional black olives and feta cheese sprinkled on top.

[Pizza]

It turned out great. The only real way to cut a pizza is to use a wicked pair of bone cleaving shears. If you're not doing it this way, you're not cutting the pizza correctly.

[Cutting Pizza Pie]

I ate a slice and left the rest sitting there all night for random other people that might wander by, because I'm an incredibly considerate individual. I would love to run into cold pizza if I were to suddenly wake up in the middle of the night.

[Remaining Pie]

Troy Chocolate Cake

I got a huge amount of fanmail recently about the Crispy Mister Sandwich in regard to the contest I set up. They were all mostly good attempts at the sandwich, but I think this one stood out as the best. Congratulations to the winner; you will be receiving a package of stickers in the mail along with a jam rock music cd! (note: contest void in canada)

I know I said the previous chocolate cake I made was the chocolate cake that would make all other cakes obsolete, but I like eating cake so I made this cake recipe provided by Anna of CookieMadness: Troy Chocolate Cake.

~A long time ago I made a childhood promise about cakes. Arbitrary childhood promises are the kinds of things that really define your character. For example, the classic “never change”. I however made vowed never to bake a cake again after a horrible tragedy occurred. I had baked a wonderful cake mix cake for some friends, and brought it over to one of their houses so everyone could enjoy. Unfortunately, the four sticks of butter involved in this small cake was too much, instantly killing my best friend upon impact with his mouth. Never again would I allow such a thing to happen.*~

The Troy Chocolate Cake is different in that it doesn’t involve butter in the batter. It is a cake of healing. Instead it has a bunch of mayonnaise, something you may remember from the tuna melt sandwich recipe, so it’s certain to be a success. I began working on the initial steps of mixing things together in bowls. At first, I thought to just use a cereal bowl, but using my keen powers of foresight, I recalled that the ingredients listed would not fit, so I opted for a larger metal bowl. I saw in the corner of my eye some sort of automatic electrical mixing machine, but I decided not to call upon higher powers to assist me just yet. I was getting exhausted at this point; it was time for a break. I indulged in some Breyers ice cream. Mmm, smooth and creamy.

[Mixing Things]

I took out some parchment paper to line the pan and pressed it in to fit, but it popped back up, refusing to give in. I was about to have a mental breakdown here, but I decided to pour the batter in anyway, and it turns out everything worked out fine.

[Ready for Baking]

I put it in the oven at 325 for 35 minutes, then got started on the icing. I spent time sifting the confectioners sugar which I’m sure I completely ruined the point of sifting it in the first place when I just dumped all the ingredients together at the same time and was determined to mix by hand with a spoon. The cake finished as I was about done with the icing.

[Icing]
[Cake and Icing]

The icing was kind of lumpy, but I really don’t mind. The end result is a tasty cake.

[Icinged Cake]

*Exciting True Stories may or may not be exciting or true.

Crispy Mister Sandwich

It was nightlunch time, so I went into the kitchen as normal procedure. Looking through some cabinets, I decided that I would do something with nutella. Spreading it on bread might be good. Maybe if the bread was coated in lard and fried it might be better. Frying bread was an idea I liked, but I couldn’t fit the nutella into it without being a real europoofter so I decided to go into a sandwich route. Cheese and meat is good, so I got some provolone cheese and sliced ham ready. This sandwich was looking like it might be kind of [large fancy colourful ‘L’]ame at this point, mostly because of the bread, so I cracked some eggs (you may remember I am the best at cracking eggs), mixed them with a fork and combined them with two slices.

[Sandwich Preparation]

Luckily there was just enough for all of the eggs to be absorbed fully. I didn’t know how to get this from my eggy bowl to the frying pan, so I thought to put them on a paper towel at first, but then I just brought the pan over to the table with all my cooking organization. I would put the paper towels I got ready to use later. My plan for the sandwich was to have the cheese on the outsides of the ham, so they would get melty better. It is always important to have the meal fully planned out. After layering one slice of egg-soaked bread in the pan with cheese, I put on a bunch of slices of ham.

[Sandwich Construction]

During this, I kept reassuring myself that I’ve had a previous experience with this, and I feel it would be in my best interest to add more meat than I think I need. On top of the ham, another layer of cheese, then the second bread slice. It was time for cooking process, and everything was going fine until I decided it was important that I flip the sandwich over a lot to check how it’s cooking.

[Sandwich Cooking]

The first flip was a disaster; cheese was falling out, one slice of bread slid halfway off from all the contents, and it may have been my imagination, but I thought I tore the bread in half. And while trying to fix it, I managed to burn two of my fingers from direct contact with the pan.

[Sandwich Cooking]

Realizing I forgot about buttering the pan, I snuck in some butter while lifting the sandwich up since butter is a secret ingredient. I let it cook for a while though and it was looking all right again.

[Sandwich Cooking]

When the sandwich was finished, I determined that it was overall a great success! The bread had that great french toast taste to it, the cheese was all melty and delicious, and the ham was meaty. Actually, I think the ham was way too sweet for the sandwich. I would maybe want a meat that’s completely meaty without the overwhelming sweetness for next time.

[Sandwich]

Egg Melt Sandwich

...
"Then imagine opening it and look inside."
Okay. ... left ... though.
"What's in the fridge?"
Greasy sausage gravy ... peppermint sugar syrup.
"Do you want to eat these things?"
... have heartburn ... nine or ten hundred years.
"Eww, that's disgusting."
... I'm closing ... heading right ....
"No way! I'm not taking you there!"
... I know you'll take me there eventually.

Gathering up the ingredients is an essential step for creating a food dish. Usually you’d do this with a shopping list planned out ahead of time with words written on it. I love it when I see words written for me. But I didn’t have one of these. I was gathering up interesting things. Eggs are easy, so I grabbed a few of those. You may not know this about me, but I am a master at cracking eggs. I can crack a hundred baker’s dozen eggs and not even know it. I put those on the counter and sort of wrapped a towel around them so they don’t crack themselves. I took out the cock sauce, since it always adds potential. I needed something tasty, so I headed into the bone cellar for some canned tuna. It’s pretty cold there. I once was carrying a bowl of soup there to eat, since I was sick, and it was spilling all over my hands, burning them. I saw some instant mashed potatoes so I grabbed those as well. Heading back to the kitchen, I realized I still need some odd and ends to put things together. Couldn’t find any bread, so I took out a bag of small tortillas, and the package of swiss cheese that was sitting next to it. Cheese is pretty great, especially when it’s melty. I tossed things into the frying pan for the first attempt, which didn’t turn out well since most parts were added as an afterthought.

[Beginning Cooking]
[Potatoes and First Sandwich]
[Sandwich with Additional]

It tasted good enough to make me want another, and bad enough to make me think I could do better. This time I added everything in during the cooking organization.

[Cooking Sandwich 2]
[Sandwich Formula]
[Final Sandwich]

Nightlunch

I looked in my mail earlier this today and I saw that several readers are apparently displeased with my internotes. The advice given to improve things is nonsensical and often contradictory, but regardless I will try my best to incorporate this into future posts.

It was getting late, and we all needed some good chomps. Dinner was out of the question, as it had just passed midnight. If I had suggested having dinner, I would have had appeared quite the buffoon. We started rummaging around for eats. I filled a bowl with frozen fruits, pineapples, peaches, melons, and strawberries, and was about to begin chomping down when I started having second thoughts. I checked the original bag: “Ideal for: Baking, Smoothies, Toppings, Snacking”. Yes, it was in fact okay to do what I was about to do. I put on several belts in preparation, and sat down at the table ready for nightlunch.

~It is important to consider for refrigerator/freezer management what to do when running into certain situations. For example, if you were to find a tub labeled “Potato Water”, your life is at serious risk if you drink it. It also probably tastes like fish.~

“Hey man! I don't THINK so! I don't THINK so!”
“Dude, bro, man.” A heckler had arrived. As exciting an incident this was, I really had to use the washroom at this point, so I got up and engaged in self-palliation. Someone else came in too and used the stall next to me, causing me to worry that I might not make it out in time. It would be disasterous for my reputation if this other person were to finish before me, so I quickly got up and left, leaving my belts undone. I must have been gone for a while because the cookies staled. I felt a little awkward when I sat back down, so I started trying to quickly adjust my belts without anyone noticing. It’s kind of difficult and I was losing track of what else was happening at the table when suddenly my attention was seized by a comment addressed towards me.
“We have to talk to you about what you’ve been doing at night lately.”